meow

i want to go into one of those long white tubes and see what is inside my head that makes it hurt all the time. I want to buy a cat scan machine. but then my neighbor will get jealous of my cat scan machine and get one of his own and it'll be this big ongoing battle of who can have more cat scan machines and then a bus full of children will crash and ALL of them will need a cat scan at once but there won't be enough in the hospital and it'll be all my fault. So maybe i'll just let my head hurt.

I've decided

I've decided.
I can have my own goals. I don't have to be dressed in white or a suit. I can be dressed in a long sweater and sit down every morning and write my novel. And that's good enough. And I can be excited about getting off work in one hour and going to class where Alex is and we can hold hands. And thats' magical. And I can be excited about the wind and the rain and I can be excited about next semester and reading all of Shakespeare's plays. That can be exciting to me. And it is. I just have to stop letting the bitter-sweetness taste only bitter.
Because I like sweet things so much better.
Like pumpkin pie and candy canes and ice cream cake.
And love and happiness and giggles and hilarious bird kisses.

And my life is better now than it ever has been before. Really for really.
And I love the mountains and the year 2012. And when Alex literally screeches to a stop in front of my apartment building and yells for me to get in and that he has just come back from the future and turned his car into a time machine with the "future flux capacitor".
And I love other people being in love and getting what will make them happy. And I know I deserve that and I'll get it one day and it'll be magic like Disney.

I'm just so hungry.