The Super Hip Braided Babe

People are still way into braids, right? And it's still cool to take pictures of yourself, right?

If that's the case, then you're in for a treat!
I call this the...

Super Hip Braided Babe

I accidentally invented this last week when I decided to braid my hair to the side, but then didn't want any of it on my neck. I just started pinning the braid up and thought, "Hey, this doesn't look so bad!"

Let me walk you through it...

Step 1: Awkwardly braid your hair down the side of your head. To do so, tilt your head so it feels like you're using your shoulder to talk on the phone -- you know what I'm talkin' about. It's okay if it's messy, but in the end it should look something like this. (This is the same beginning for Easy Hair That Looks Alright.)

 Step 2: While watching The Colbert Report in your living room surrounded by empty gyro wrappers from Mad Greek, pull up your braid and fold it over.

 Step 3: Once you've folded your hair over, use a bobby pin or 2 to hold it in place. At this point, make sure you pause to take a big swig of Diet Coke from your monster Big Gulp cup. Braiding your hair is hard work, you deserve it!

 Step 4: Since the end of your braid is just hanging awkwardly off the side of your head, fold that part in and pin it down. Your hair now kind of looks like a snake. But a really trendy snake. 

 Step 6: The end of your braid is sticking out; you need to fix that. Simply tuck those hairs into the fold of your braid and hold 'em down with another bobby pin.

Voila! You have The Super Hip Braided Babe!

You can do whatever you want with your bangs in the end. At first I twisted them to the side, but Kelly said I looked like I lived in a commune, so I changed it to a little pomp.

In the end, you can see all of the sloppily placed bobby pins. You can also see the rubber band which you used to tie off your braid. Don't worry; no one cares. 

If you want an extra tip, use a rubber band that sort of matches your hair color. Unless, of course, you want to make some sort of fashion statement, then by all means do whatever you want. 

On Waiting for Summer

Summer is almost here.
As I anxiously await its promised glitz, glam, and sweat, I have done some pretty dope stuff. Dope is still cool to say, right? (If you were one of my 8th graders right now, you'd roll your eyes and yell, "NO!" Psh, what do they know?)

Let me give you the countdown of the 10 things I have done while anxiously awaiting Summer's arrival.

#10: I took Emily to 7-eleven and inducted her into the GIANT-BIG-GULP-MUG club. It was awesome. We became Cheetah Sistahs at that point.

#9: Emily and I finally learned how to do those sock buns that everyone is raving about. We took a gross, old pair of Halloween socks that I undoubtedly received from my mom in a wacky Halloween package years ago. We're talkin' years. And since Kelly hates when I wear holiday socks year round (it's one of those he-didn't-know-what-he-was-getting-into things), we cut them up and rolled those candy corn covered socks all up in our hair.
Like most things I try, it turned out amazing.

#8: I got to hang out with my OTHER sister while hanging out with my previously mentioned sister. It was great to see Sarah. I missed that lady. Oh, and I got to see her sisters too, whom I consider my sisters also. I have so many sisters nowadays... We had total girl time (and Kelly took pictures).

#7: Kelly, Emily, and I rode the Trax for 2 whole blocks to get to City Creek. 

We parked at the Gateway, went to a Trax station, found out that station was OOS (out of service), walked 2 blocks to the next Trax station, then rode that Trax for 2 whole blocks. 

I guess I'd say we're pretty good at navigating the city.

#6:  Finally found some fashionable sunglasses that fit over my regular glasses.

#5: Got attacked by a homeless man while driving downtown. 

We were just driving down a road, but I guess driving is offensive to homeless people because this haggard man looked me right in the eyes and threw an apple at our car. THREW AN APPLE AT OUR CAR! It hit the back window and splattered right where Emily's face was. It was pretty upsetting. 

Don't worry, we called the cops and they said they'd send a guy over to "talk to him." Yeah, give him a good talkin' to!

Look at that apple mess! We had to clean it off with pieces of ice from Emily's soda cup. While frowning, of course. 

#4: Marble-ized my nails. (Only a few of them turned out to look like vomit. Luckily, this was the "good hand")

#3: Saw a dog riding in the back of a truck, with no back! Kelly tried to console me by saying, "Maybe that dog was a murderer dog. He was waiting back there to murder the drivers...Do you feel better now?"

#2: Watched the solar eclipse! Kelly and I headed over to the Dewey Decimal Center (Otherwise known as the Dimple Dell Center) to watch it with all the other yuppies. Most of them were smart and made hilarious-looking boxes. Kelly and I were also smart and just borrowed the pieces of welder's glass that the Planetarium provided. It was awesome.

#1: Kelly took me to a golfing range (driving range? Not sure what it's called). I did a pretty good job, if I do say so myself. 

Bring it on, Summer. Bring it on.

On Teaching

The Team: Team Discover

(this is only half the team...)

The mission: Can we make a floating lantern that will not burst into flames?

We promised our 8th graders that if they passed 3rd term with a certain percentage we'd let them build those floating lanterns (like from Tangled). And we'd set them all off at once at the end of the year. Such a magical promise...

The students met the goal, because they're awesome, so now we're in the business of figuring out how these lanterns work.

Our first attempt included cotton balls, rubbing alcohol, and fire...If we had promised our 8th graders we would teach them how to make fireballs and how to get rid of pesky arm hair, it would have been a success.

This time around, we built a much bigger tissue paper balloon (to hold more air), and got a massive torch that, in theory, would blow hot air all up in that thang and send it flying. 

 This is how I helped:

 With our first try, the balloon lifted! It got about 30 feet and then fell down. A little anti-climactic. 

This is me helping again. Man, I'm so good at helping.  

We decided the hot air wasn't enough; it needed to last longer. "Oh, I got it," we said. "Let's try that fireball thing again!" So, we dipped a cotton ball in some alcohol and, after filling the balloon with hot air, we lit that sucker up .

The balloon flew higher this time..

...But crash landed. 

Luckily, we were smart this time and didn't let it catch itself on fire.

I guess we'll just have to modify our promise to the kids: "We're not sending off lanterns anymore. Oh no. We're going to watch tissue paper float around for about 20 seconds and then chase it! How does that sound!?!" 

I can hear their gleeful cheers already.

On Stirrings

This first picture is to show you what a great teacher I am:

They love me. Maybe one reason they love me is because I talk about things like "Stirrings."

If you've read The Giver, you know how wonderfully awkward chapter 5 is.
If you haven't, let me fill you in:

Jonas telling his dream from the previous night to his parents: 

"It was only me and Fiona, alone in the room standing beside the tub. She was laughing, But I wasn't. I was almost a little angry at her, in the dream, because she wasn't taking me seriously."

"Seriously about What?" Lily asked.

Jonas looked at his plate. For some reason that he didn't understand, he felt slightly embarrassed. "I think I was trying to convince her that she should get into the tub of water...I wanted her to take off her clothes and get into the tub," he explained quickly. "I wanted to bathe her. I had the sponge in my hand. But she wouldn't. She kept laughing and saying no."

He looked up at his parents. "That's all," he said.  

"Can you describe the strongest feeling in your dream, son?" Father asked.

 Jonas thought about it. The details were murky and vague. But the feelings were clear, and flooded him again now as he thought. "The wanting," he said. 

...

"Jonas," [Mother] said with a smile, "the feeling you described as the wanting? It was your first Stirrings."

I usually read that last line like this: "It was your first Stirrings!!!!!!"
It's the best to read with 8th graders. They giggle and look around the room, trying to make eye contact with anyone who is also looking around, giggling. Some kids yell, "Why are we reading this?!" and "This is not a children's book!" And I laugh and laugh.

I like to then further the awkwardness by asking, "So, what are Stirrings?"
My favorite answer I heard this year was: Hormones!

Now, I know what you're all thinking. You're thinking Where can I get some stirrings? 
Good news! You can get some Stirrings at Target. On clearance!

On Marriage

I've been trying for weeks now to get There And Back Again on our Lord of the Rings pinball machine. Ever since Kelly first got it (I say first because he has gotten it four times now!), I've been pretty jealous. It's such a magical wizard mode!

It really does sound like you and the machine are getting married. It's so romantic.

Since we've had this machine, I've destroyed the ring, completed the Two Towers multiball and gotten all of the super jackpots, killed Shelob, saved Gandalf from Saruman, escaped the Ringwraiths, broken the dam for the Ents, and even conquered a Warg attack. But I had never gotten There And Back Again.

Until today.

There I was. I had already destroyed the ring and gotten all 6 modes, so all the lights were flashing around the ring hole, as they do. I was on my last ball. I hadn't collected any of the three Elf rings to get the mode start lit again, so I was aiming for those. On my quest to do so, I acquired an extra ball. And good thing, too! As I was shooting for an Elf ring, the ball drained!

The extra ball popped up and I looked at Kelly and said, "Do you know what is lit!?" He just smiled because he's a good husband and knows that I'm superstitious about being told how well I'm doing. I launched the ball right into the Orthanc tower so it was delivered to my left flipper. Perfect. I took the shot, and it flew right into the ring hole, like magic. The music started and I screamed.

Kelly was laughing now and said, "Just enjoy it!"

When you first hit the ring shot, the machine gives you a lovely Ding! backed by the wedding ceremony music. It's the most wonderful feeling in the world.

After the first ring shot, all of the ramps, orbits, and vertical upkicks are lit. I shot Legolas right off and a page turned on the LED screen. Frodo said, "The Treason of Saruman!" as a picture of Gandalf's surprised face flashed on the screen with a soft border. Frodo and I were just sitting down for a cup of tea after all these years, flipping through an old photo album.

"Ah, yes," I said to Frodo, "I do remember the treason of Saurman!"

I hit the ring hole again. Ding! I squealed with delight. We turned a page in the photo album and reminisced  about the Witch King. Oh, that Witch King! (Still haven't killed him yet)

My ball drained after 2 pictures, but I wasn't so nervous about beating the mode. I just wanted to get there, say "I do", and turn the pages of the old photobook with Frodo.

It's been the most magical day, marrying our pinball machine.

Now I just need to: complete the Fellowship multiball, the Return of the King multiball, kill the Witch King, and make it to Valinor. I'm on my way.

There are rumors of a possible Hobbit pinball machine. If that happens, Kelly and I will have no choice. It will be ours. Our own. Our precious.

On Cereal

I love cereal so much (who doesn't, right?). As long as it doesn't contain raisins, or taste healthy.

Currently I'm in the never-ending process of writing an award-winning, New-York-Times-best-selling young adult novel (who isn't, right?), and I happen to love cereal so much that this little gem is working its way into my story (or working its way out, depending on my mood):

"When I got older, I didn’t cry myself to sleep as often, or at least not as noticeably. The pressure would build and the panic would come, but I found different ways of battling it. Sometimes finding small things to look forward to helped. Take for example: breakfast. When I would start to feel my throat tighten and the sinking pressure of the ocean, I would think, I get to have Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast tomorrow...and that would help me breathe again. I would lie awake, thinking of each sugary bite and how the cold milk would soon swirl with cinnamon when it was finished, and I would resurface. It didn't always help, but most nights I could fall asleep dreaming of breakfast."

So tonight when Kelly said, "You have so many cereal boxes up there (our cereal cupboard) that just have a little bit left in them. Are you going to eat those?" I said to myself, "Challenge accepted."

It's not the craziest I've ever been with cereal-mixing, but I thought it took a nice picture. And it most definitely made a fantastic before-bed snack. 

Life Update: 1000% More Awesome

I've done it. I have become 1000% more awesome. Not possible, you say? Natalie, you're already so awesome, you say? Well, what if I told you that I have entered into the I Own A Giant Mug From 7-Eleven Club? That's right. Kelly and I are so much cooler than you guys (sorry, guys). And so are our drinks! 

Kelly captured the moment with this Kelly-style video: 

(He got me again!)

I instantly fell in love with the newest design, and BLAM! the plastic wrapping that was keeping me away from my dreams was peeled away. I knew I would love it; I did not know how much I would love it.

 I just couldn't wait to get that baby open and let the magic begin.

This happened for a while, and Kelly continued to snap photos for a few minutes before he stepped in to help.

When I finally filled up my new lifestyle, I felt like a hobbit, discovering that they have pints for the first time. I saw Kelly's mug and said, "They have pints?! I'm getting one!" 

Look at how happy we are! 

I'm assuming this will someday be used as a "Before" picture.

This is the projected "After" picture, with a caption of: WE LOVE SODA!

Even our eyes got fat!

But, let's get serious for a minute. I'd like to bear my testimony of this mug. I've only had it for 2 days, and it is already changing my life. On Saturday at 1pm, I got my first soda. Saturday night at 10pm, THE ICE WAS STILL THERE! It was mostly melted, but IT WAS STILL THERE! I know that I love ice in my soda, and I know that the ice was there all day. I know this mug is true. I'm grateful for soda. I'm grateful for the designers of a mug big enough to last me all day. In the name of 7-Eleven, amen.