Welcome Back, Me. And an Old Blog Post About Baby Things

Charlie, Charlie, Charlie.

I just can't believe you're a baby and you're sleeping in my house and you wake me up in the middle of the night and you smile at me in the day because you're mine. My baby. You made me a mom. That's just unbelievable.

I have mini realizations all the time. Moments where I am suddenly struck with the truth of it all. I'm a mom. I said to Kelly the other day, "Kelly, our new names are Mom and Dad."

His response: "Who calls us that?"

But really.

We just past the year mark of when we found out I was pregnant. September 1st. So this almost-autumn air is making me remember the constant semi-queasy feeling of my first trimester. So constant and so semi, in fact, that I didn't even think I was feeling very sick at all. "Are you feeling sick at all?" people would ask, and I'd respond, "Oh, no. Not really. I just don't feel like eating sweet things and gag when I brush my teeth and want to eat ice all day. But I feel great."

Want to see the stick I peed on when I found out I was growing a tiny human?
How about the blog post I secretly wrote but never published when I was only 5 weeks along? You dooOOoo??? Well, here it is! (Welcome back to blogging, me)

Well, it's true. 

I know it's really gross to show the things you peed on, but come on, guys. This is my first time! Give me a break. 

The first one was so faint we didn't believe it. We kept saying, "That's not another line, is it? Nooo...it can't be..."

The next morning I took another one and it was quite clear. It was pretty unreal. 

So, yeah. There's a baby growing inside of me. I'm officially 5 weeks. 

Kelly and I just keep saying, "Whaaat?!" and "Wait, is this real?" and "Shut up." Lots of disbelief in the Thomson household right now.

I don't really have any being-pregnant symptoms. Like at all, so it's still pretty hard to believe. I'm not sick. I don't have any cravings. I don't have any mood swings....oh wait. 

We went to an Aquabats concert last night. We were standing on the floor and people just kept pushing in front of us. Do you know what my view looks like at a concert on the floor with people in front of me? Like this: 

Oh, nice backs, everyone. I was holding it in, but MAN was I about to burst into tears. I knew it was not something to cry over, but those tears just kept rising. I kept telling myself, "This is so stupid. This is not something I should cry about. I can still hear the music. Sometimes I can still see little bits, like oh, there's the drummer's head!...This is fine..." And then I'd have to take really deep breaths so I didn't cry like a baby. I just kept turning around to look at Kelly saying, "I might as well just look at you because I can't see anything else." 

Eventually we moved farther back, like to the back where all the old people stand, and we could finally see and there were no people around me and I felt so much better. Phew!

And I have some little cramps now and then. Don't worry, I googled it a million times and it's apparently fine. 

Anyway, the only people who know are me and Kelly and doctors and my parents. I told them on Labor day. It was pretty ridiculous. 

With them on speaker phone in a really shaky voice, gasping for air from adrenaline, I said, "So...you know how it's Labor day? Well that's weird *gasp* because *gasp* our labor day isn't until May. *deep exhale and weird shaky laugh*"

Mom and Dad were so excited. They screamed and cheered and asked lots of questions that I couldn't really answer. I don't know what's going on. Don't ask me!

Mom then promptly sent me 2 packages in the mail: One with my baby blessing dress, and one with tiny little baby socks. And then we had to quickly hide them because Jen came over and we went for a bike ride. Oh, and don't worry I'm still so weird about this still I googled "pregnant week 5 bike riding" before she came over. Don't worry, guys. It's fine. We had a great ride. And I didn't even spill my secret!

Not telling everyone is so hard. Do you know how good I am at keeping my own secrets? Uh, not good at all.

And we're doing this teacher bootcamp at school, learning all these Cross Fit moves which freak me out because exercise is okay, but what if this one move isn't okay? You know? So, I pretend I'm a wussy and don't do some of the stuff.  I'll tell them all in a few weeks and I'll be like, Joke's on you, suckers! I could do those moves this whole time, but I didn't what to hurt this little peppercorn that's growing inside of me! BOOM! Drop the mic. I'm out.

Blogging Again?

Remember when Kelly and I used to blog? Well, I would blog about me and Kelly? Those sure were some fun days...

Ice Bucket Challenge: Why We Love to Hate It

Nearly every Facebook and Instagram post recently is someone getting doused with a bucket full of ice water, screaming in shock. All the other posts are rants over the annoyance of having to see these videos 50 times a day.

The ALS ice bucket challenge. You've seen it. You've clicked the hashtag. You've probably even done it. (I'm doing it tomorrow. Peer pressure is real). 

 (Pics below)

In theory I really like it. It's a viral way to raise money for something important. I like that, and I've heard that they've raised over 41 million dollars from these ice bucket donations alone. That's amazing! I love the idea of people coming together for a good cause and getting such amazing results. So then, why are these videos beginning to grate on our nerves?

I realized the answer to my question tonight as I was washing dishes. This challenge is just a chain letter disguised as a viral video. Think about it. When us 90’s kids were in middle school, chain letter emails would consistently and annoyingly show up in our inboxes, accompanied by that pleasant voice announcing "you've got mail!" The voice however did not warn us about the type of mail we’d received.

The dreaded chain letter. They're all the same. First, they tell you some touching story such as a young girl finding the man of her dreams after forwarding an email to 20 people. Second, they grace you with a “stunning” visual display that dances with dashes and colons and greater-than signs as you scroll down the page. Finally, at the bottom, they always leave you with a threat. "Forward this to 10 people or your crush will hate you forever." No one wants their crush to hate them! So we hit the forward button and bugged our friends, relatives, and loved ones. That is until we came to our senses and realized that forwarding the messages would in no way impact how our crushes felt about us. If he didn't like my acid wash fanny pack before, he wasn't going to like it after receiving an annoying chain letter from me. 

Flash forward to today. Technology is more advanced and more clever; therefore chain letters have become more advanced and clever. A Super Chain Letter, if you will (cue the clawed, metal hand bursting forth from the pile of rubble). The touching story is now more tangible: an actual disease, for actual people, that needs curing. The fancy visuals are no longer 8-bit animations, but somewhat entertaining videos of your friends screaming as they are showered with ice. And the threat feels even more damning than before: "If you don't pour a bucket of ice on your head within 24 hours, everyone will know you hate science and love diseases." Okay, admittedly it's not that harsh, but it has started to feel that way. The urgency has also increased to Super status, requiring us to "forward this message" within only 24 hours since, hey, we all practically live on the internet now! The chain letter no longer sits in our inboxes for a few days because we check Instagram and Facebook about every 10 minutes. 

What’s next for chain letters? We all move to third world countries, make videos of the surgeries we perform, and call people out to Make The Move within 24 hours? Let’s hope not. 

(Hey, at least I got to wear my cat towel at school!)

The Downs and Ups of Life

Sometimes I read people's blogs and I think, I love reading blogs. And then I sit down to write a blog and think, we'll I certainly have nothing to write about.

Wouldn't that be great if this was the end of the blog?

But I guess I could think of something to write...

Emily got her mission call! Sao Palo Brazil west. My cocktail of emotions change everyday, but I am overwhelmingly proud of her. She is amazing. I have always looked up to her.

Kelly and I went camping for the first time since being married. Everything still smells like campfire. We've talked a lot about all the camping we want to do, but somehow we've always talked ourselves out of it. Not this time! Oh mama, did we camp!

I only have 2 months of school left! Driving home today, I practiced what speech I could give my students on our last day together. You know: real inspiring stuff. Be your self and whatnot. (and yes, I did cry as I gave my fake speech to the radio). I need them to know how much I care for them and how important it is to be nice to everyone. I don't even care if they remember the difference between there/their/they're if they end the year more accepting and positive than when they started. As I blabbered in my car over some Billie Holliday song, I realized that I am very wise, but far from eloquent.

In hopes that actions really are louder than words, I've tried very hard to develop a reputation of being positive all the time - even if they think I'm super annoying (and they do) in hopes that it will rub off. I really need them to know that it's okay to be different and for others to be different.

Recently, one of my old students took her life after being bullied because she was different. She came to see me just a day before and we had such a nice chat. We even talked about all the positive there was to focus on in life even when high school sucks; she had the most beautiful smile. As I've grieved, I have done what many do: thought, what could I have said or done to help her more? My heart compresses when I think about it.

The number 1 reason I became a teacher - aside from the fact that English was the only thing I liked - was to help these kids see the good parts of life and understand that even amongst all the bad, there is good. I always wished someone would have told me things like that when I was in school. I mean, my best friend was a cat for far too long. (Pictured below: Me and my BFF)

Aside from the inevitable darkness, life is insanely good.

I hope my students know that life gets better. I mean, look at me. I could go into lots of sappy details about how my insides used to be filled with tar, but how I've overcome and how much my heart has grown since being with Kelly and how he's the love of my life and how he reminds me of all the good in the world and makes me laugh and and and... I could even tell the story of when he taught me that it feels better to laugh than to cry - but I tell that story all the time - and I'll save the sap for another day. You're welcome.

If I was allowed, I would just show my students this talk and bare my testimony.
This talk speaks directly to my heart about what I've been rambling on about. And President Uchtdorf is just way more eloquent than I am.

Merry Christmas to me!

Blogging from my new iPad! Kelly came home for lunch, left to go back to work, and then came back 30 minutes later with something wrapped in his coat. He made me sit down and close my eyes. He placed it on my lap and covered it with some cat pictures. I opened my eyes and was like, CATS!? Then I was like iPad!?!?!? I spent the next 40 hours on the couch playing with it. What's going on? My life is amazing and technological. It's totally cool to type on this little board. The end.

On The 2 Year Mark

Kelly and I hit our 2 year mark, folks. In honor of how much I love reminiscing, let's reminisce.

Starting in 2007, Kelly and I worked together. I was his trainer, and even though I looked like this, he still thought I was cute:

So I'd save a seat for him at work, which he thought was creepy. And I'd scoot my chair closer to him, which he thought was creepy. And I'd tell him how hot his arms were, to which he would flex in response, and he thought it was creepy.  Here's a picture I snapped at the Operator Christmas party because, hey. When you have a crush on someone, it's fun to try to take pictures of them.

 Our relationship really picked up when we started doing skits together at the BYU Operator retreats. Skits in which I insisted on being married to him. Everyone thought it was so hilarious. (right, guys?)

As the years went by, I often would invite Kelly over to do things like carve pumpkins and make s'mores over my stove. We had a lot of fun together, but when I asked him, "Do you think you would you ever, even in some alternate universe, ever date me?" he responded with, "nope."

 I accepted that and decided to just hang out with him all the time anyway, regardless of who I was dating at the time (sorry, past BFs...or am I?)
You can tell by the look on Kelly's face in this one that he loved being close to me and having his picture taken.

And then something magical happened. A miracle. He...started dating me! That's a real smile on his face, folks. Even though I'm so close to him.

And we started doing couple things. Together!

 And we took a road trip to San Francisco on which we talked about...gulp...getting married.

Then we got married! (well, that escalated quickly)

The past 2 years have been the most amazingly happy years of my life. I didn't even know I had the option to be this happy. In fact, I had just come to terms with the idea that my life had to be a little depressing at all times when Kelly showed me the truth was just the opposite.

One of our first real-er dates was to see the movie Ratatouille.  Now, if you know anything about me, you know that 1. I love sugar, and 2. I cry at everything. TV shows, books, movies, commercials, you name it. If it's emotional at all, I'm crying.
So, there we are on a date, and the movie comes to the Famously Disney Emotional Part (I don't even remember. The rat loses his family or that red-headed cook doesn't like him anymore or something) and my empathetic instincts kick in. My brain reminds me how depressing life can be and I feel my stomach clench in preparation. But just before the first tear can weasel its way out, Kelly leans over and says something downright ridiculous. Instead of crying, I erupt in laughter. The people in front of us give us the movie theater SHHHH, but we can't stop laughing, and a light goes on. "Natalie," the light says, "It feels so much better to laugh than to cry! Why have you been crying all these years?" I slipped my hand into Kelly's as a thanks for the revelation he had just unknowingly given to me.

This moment didn't take away all my empathy and stop me from crying during every TV Show/movie/book. Oh no, I cried watching Modern Family this morning on Hulu. But that's not the point. The point is, my whole life I had been worrying and crying myself to sleep, dwelling on things that I couldn't change; but there was suddenly this amazingly wise (and funny) man in my life who made me feel like I didn't need to anymore.

Now when things start falling apart and I feel my limbs give out like a child's push puppet, Kelly's right by my side, reminding me how good it feels to laugh and how good it is to be me.

My life is amazing.

Here's a video to prove it:

On Puppets

I know you guys are always wondering, what does Natalie do with all the puppets she makes!? 

I am here to answer that question with a video: