If it were up to me, I would spend all day on amazon.com searching for books that I want to read; reading the first few pages and then buying the book for only a cent. If it were up to me, I wouldn't have four 10-page papers due the day I get back from Thanksgiving break. I would only have letters to clack out on my typewriter. If it were up to me, my teachers would let me write my papers however I want. And I would use run-on sentences. The kind that leave you out of breath and excited when you finally reach the period gasping for breath, trying to remember how that sentence started and wondering why you are now talking about the sound of a wet Popsicle falling on the hot concrete slithering beneath your bare feet. And fragments. I would use lots of sentence fragments. If it were up to me, it would be snowing right now instead of going from extreme cold to oh-this-is-okay-weather so I would know what kinds of clothes I should wear everyday. Once it starts snowing it's easy: snow suit. If it were up to me, I would have worn my knee-high rainbow socks today because these pants just aren't keeping my legs warm enough. If it were up to me, I would still be asleep in my bed. Curled up under the blanket that feels like a bear, dipping in and out of my bucket of dreams. If it were up to me, we'd both be ready but we're not and that's okay because time is growth.
But my teachers are still going to say "Find your voice!" and when they read, "I just. Didn't. Care." they're going to circle it and write fragment in red pen and put question marks on the page and give me a B-. And that's okay. I guess I can write fragments on my own time. And I can curl up with my bear blanket in the middle of the day and pretend it's still too early in the morning to be awake and I can try to find those dreams I was having a few hours ago. And I guess I can write four big papers in a week. I'll just take breaks where I breathe for a minute and then search amazon.com for books with long titles. And if it takes a while to snow, I can still wear my snow suit and pretend I'm a spaceman or someone's teddy bear. And I can wait any amount of time to be ready. I'll just spend my time typing on my typewriter fragments and run-ons and words of endearment like "pood".
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2 comments:
I always think you're an incredible writer. You deserve that typewriter more than anyone else.
And you can get everything done. Because you're a writer and you'll always be one.
natalie. your snowsuit. it needs to snow for that. i can't wait to see you and stare at you until you shake your head and look away and tell me I weird you out and I cackle and say jina. and we'll be older but still us. that's what's nice about people like us- we never grow up all the way. people like us and peter pan. and toys R us. there's kids in all of us. some people just put them up for adoption.
i will never give my baby away.
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