Do you notice how I never write on here? I do. Do you wanna know why?
Because I'm afraid of blogs. People writing their thoughts and feelings down all eloquently into the internet. The scariest invention on the planet. Doesn't anyone ever think, "One day this thing is gonna blow"? Because I do. I just know it. One day blogspot is going to explode and everyone's eloquently formed words and all their thoughts about beauty and nature and art and that fat sweaty guy sitting next to them in the computer lab will be gone. And where the hell will they go? No one knows. Cyber space. The worst place on earth. Or. .. not...on. .. earth. . . In Bill Gates' house. In the walls. I'm pretty sure Homer Simpson got stuck there once and he said it was a lot like Tron. And we all know how that goes. . .not good. Kind of slow. Boring. Lots of lasers.
So. I don't write in my blog. Because I'm afraid of blogs. I write on paper. Because I feel like it's more likely that the whole internet will explode than my journals to catch on fire. DOESN'T ANYONE REMEMBER Y2K?!
I do.
I was at my friend Jenni's house. We always went there for New Years Eve parties. Even if I didn't want to. But I always went becuase where else was I going to go? So we were there eating cheetos and peanut butter m&m's. Standing in front of the 14 inch screen tv watching Dick Clark age. 5....4.....3.....2.... and then it went dark. 2 people fainted. One fell on me. I couldn't tell who it was but I graciously let them fall all over me before letting their head hit the hardwood. Outside there was this horrible noise like King Kong screaming. An airplane crashed outside, the impact was incredible. Blew Uncle Frank's toupee off. Bill Gates had a heart attack and so did Dick Chaney. Ellen got married and Clay Aiken decided to have a baby. It was horrible.
Well really Jenni's dad just went into the basement where the power box was and turned off all the power. But it really felt like I had an Uncle Frank. I was convinced.
Don't you see how easy it is for the internet to explode?
Blogs scare me.
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4 comments:
you know...you're right. I guess I chose not to think about blogspot exploding. hm, I think I'm going to start saving my blogs on my computer.
Uncle Frank. That's my dad. I'm so happy about your story and I like to pretend that Jenni is Jenni Nealon. I want to think you spent Y2K with the Nealon's.
PS. I will read your books even if they are insane. That's what I live off of- a shake of fiber and insane every morning.
I think you know how I feel about your fear of the internet.
Entirely true. Don't trust anyone. Fear no one. X-Files. Boo da de dee da la dooom. BUM. Whoo whoo whooo whoo WHOO whoooo.
i didn't read all of this, but after the first couple sentences...we're the same! ha. i'm afraid of blogs too.
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