My animal fear.

In lieu of Kelly's recent blog about his fear of deer, let me explain my animal fears.

As many know, I fear crustaceous animals. Fear them like Kelly fears bee-spitting deer. Crabs, lobsters, crawfish...Oh gosh. Just thinking about these crunchy, pointy, surrying-accross-the-sand-at-you animals makes my skin crawl. (As I sat there thinking of other adjectives to explain them, my face distorted as if I were watching someone throw up....you know...that disgusted, uncomfortable feeling. That was my face for a good minute and a half).

I had a few encounters with these animals on my trips to the Pacific and Atlantic oceans; a few being way too many for me.
On the beaches of North Carolina with Carissa...oh North Carolina. That places is a horror story. If you even think about going out on the sand at night: crabs. Everywhere. They like to hide in the day time...but at night, they think they own the place. We went down the the beach at night a couple of times and it was like I was being prepared to walk through a zombie-infested warehouse. "What if I see one? What if it comes at me?! What if I step on one? They'll attack! OH GOD!!!" We walked out onto the sand and I, convinced that the crabs would run away if they felt the vibrations of my steps, stompped the whole time we were on the sand. I stomped and screamed, "I AM AN ELEPHANT! I WILL CRUSH YOU ALL!!" I flung my flashlight all around me in a frantic search for crabs so I would be prepared to kick sand or scream at them. At one point I was so afraid of crabs coming close to me, I began to stomp fiercly, flash-dance style, screaming "DON'T STOP ME NOW!....I'LL MAKE A SUPER-SONIC MAN OUT OF YOUUUUUU!!!" Crabs fear Queen? Crabs fear ME! I am the QUEEN OF CRABS!
I threw rocks. Kicked sand. Screamed Queen songs and at one point demanded Carissa to, "GIVE ME YOUR TASER!" She didn't think that was safe or humane (although she pinned down live insects and frogs when she was young; what does she know about humane?)

I think my favorite moment with crabs is when Carissa and I visited an island. On this island there was an area of still water off from the ocean. It was beautiful, however, also infested with water crabs. "Don't worry, they only touch or pinch you if you step on them," said Carissa. Moments later one swam up to her and pinched her butt. I was NOT getting into that water. I somehow plucked up the courage to swim (I refused to walk in fear of the crabs) across the still water to another small island of sand but I couldn't fidn the courage to go back. I ended up freaking out and having Carissa carry me across on her back as I frantically said, "Is that one? I think that's one. I feel them on my legs. I think they're swimming behind me. Carissa, they're on me. We have to get out of here..."

So. I'm afraid of crabs. That's the point. Kelly is afraid of deer....I'm afraid of crabs. God created scary animals on this planet.
I hope there are no crabs in heaven.